Warning: Discussion of self-harm, suicide and psychosis
A first-time rangatahi director has created a short film likely to resonate with young women struggling with bipolar, told through the experiences of three wāhine Māori.
“I find it really hard to explain my brain to other people,” Libby Witheford-Smith’s film Taurewarewa begins.
“Me and my friend talk about how great it would be to put a helmet on someone that showed them what your brain was like so they would stop being a dick to you.”
The 21-year-old Wellingtonian, who is Kāi Tahu, Kāti Māmoe and Waitaha, wrote and directed the documentary she hopes will help audiences discover insights about bipolar they can “pop in the kete”.
“It doesn’t have to be a master class on bipolar. It doesn’t have to act as a deep dive,” Witheford-Smith told Te Ao Māori News.
“But if everyone even just picks up on one small phrase or one overarching theme and goes, ‘okay, cool, I never thought about something in this way before - I’ll pop that in my kete.’”
Bipolar is characterised by episodes of depression or mania that last for weeks or months - most days, for most of the day, with symptoms fluctuating in severity, according to the Mental Health Foundation.
The title of Witheford-Smith’s film puts this more poetically.
“Taurewarewa describes the momentum of a wave as it rises, just before breaking,” the film explains.
“People with bipolar can find themselves pushed to a breaking point.
“Here, three people share their experiences.”
‘Real life’ experiences
Witheford-Smith is one of the young women who share their story, along with Ruby and Ayesha.
“The inspiration behind this film definitely came from real life. I’m one of the faces and voices as one of the interviewees.
“I wanted to tell some truths about what people experience when they experience some real tough things and what helps them as well.”
During the film, Witheford-Smith tells of an experience following the “worst depression of my life” where she felt a “drastic change” while visiting Samoa.
“I literally crossed a sea, crossed a water and then I was in this whole new world. And that whole new world took on a different gleam to me, where everything was amazing.”
On the flight home, she explains how all of a sudden it hit her.
“I cried for probably two hours straight, just because of how happy I was,” says Witheford-Smith, tears welling in her eyes.
Ruby, who also shares her story, tells about the human and wider cost of bipolar. She is Kāi Tahu, Kāti Māmoe and Waitaha.
She says people sometimes attribute her success to having more energy than them as a result of the condition but don’t consider the price she pays.
“It comes at a massive price that I don’t get to choose whether I pay or not,” Ruby explains during Taurewarewa.
Difficulty retaining the reo Māori she’s learning is an example.
“Pretty much every time I have an episode, I lose the te reo that I’ve been working towards for that past year or that past time.
“That is quite a sad and stressful thing and it’s a part of language learning and reclamation that we don’t talk about. Those things that take language from people.”
In Taurewarewa, Ayesha tells how she contemplated whether to “just peace out” following one of her worst and most debilitating depressive episodes.
But following admission to a psychiatric facility and other care, she’s now enjoying learning more about her Ngāti Porou and Ngāi Tahu whakapapa.
“It’s actually a really special thing to be connected in that way to this land.
“And it’s been a big part of me coming to understand who I am and my reason for being here.”
A message of hope
“Part of why I wanted to make this documentary was because I actually got good care,” says Witheford-Smith in Taurewarewa.
“And what I find upsetting is that I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t experience psychosis. And I only got this help when I had a manic episode.
“But I still would have been suicidal if I hadn’t had that. And I still would have needed a lot of help.”
While the film deals with a “heavy subject”, Witheford-Smith told Te Ao “We did do our best to really make a comforting environment for people - to speak their truths is a bit of a cliche, but we hope we did that.”
She says the film contains “a lot of very meditative, slow shots of the ocean to give space to both the viewer and the person talking as well.”
The young filmmaker is hopeful Taurewarewa’s message of hope will travel far and wide.
She’s given a lot of herself to the film to help make this possible and is already seeing the first blooms of her efforts.
“There was so much of myself involved in it that I was a bit nervous that this would be the thing that people would know me for, as being somebody with bipolar and not much else.
“But, no, it’s been a really good experience and the reception so far has been pretty cool.”
In terms of “it resonating with young women in particular, I had this really nice moment after it premiered in Auckland on Tuesday where I made a connection with a fellow up-and-coming filmmaker.
“The next day I found out they’d also been seeking a bipolar diagnosis and that this film had really resonated with a lot of the different things.
“So, it’s kind of validating in the same breath as it is educational, hopefully.
“It’s not the perfect film but there’s lots of good things about it which I’m really, really happy with.”
Watch Libby Witheford-Smith’s film Taurewarewa here.
Day One Shorts is a series of short films by emerging rangatahi filmmakers from across Aotearoa. These shorts explore cultural, social and political issues by taking story risks, pushing the envelope, and looking to the future.
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